hmmmm… I am feeling, what Kelly Rae Roberts refers to as “tender.”

I like that term. For me, it’s feeling a little blue and a lot vulnerable. Started on Monday, after I had a bad dream of having my heart broken. Felt so real, just like the first time it happened in real life. When I woke up, it took me a moment to realize it was only a dream and I nearly cried with relief. Since then, the feeling has lingered off and on and has invited unwelcome feelings of doubt. It’s as if the dream was a nasty scrape that took off all the skin, leaving me…well, tender.

Times like this make me seek out the positive. Cannot stand to be like this, fussing over the things that worry me even though the worrying does nothing but steal sleep. There was a time, years ago, when this kind of existing consumed my life. Painfully homesick and overwhelmed by the future, all creativity stopped and it felt as though someone had placed a heavy, cold stone inside me. A lot of crying, a lot of sleeping. Interestingly, what got me to not just hole up and give up was the knowledge of how sadly disappointed my parents would be if they saw the state I was in. For all they have done for me, I just had to push forward and not cause them any worry. It was just so hard. Sometimes, physically painful.

When I started this blog, it was partly a commitment to myself to finally start something I had been thinking about for a few years. Then I figured at some point, someone would probably stumble across it and perhaps that person was in a bad way. They may be at a time of their life when things look bleak and the future just seems like another possibility for something else to go wrong instead of something else to go right

If right now, you feel empty and find no joy or inspiration in creating, don’t be hard on yourself. You aren’t alone in this. Just take it one step at a time, always facing forward. Keep in your heart, the certainty that somewhere on this planet, there are others walking that slow, difficult journey. Treat yourself to a small project. I’ve found that one benefiting others to be especially helpful. If even that is too much right now, then keep searching for the light. You owe it to yourself to be relentless in this.

So with this in mind, how about a short practice in gratitude? What 3 things are you grateful for right now? Nothing is too small or insignificant in this practice. It all adds up.

Here’s mine:

1. I just saw a funny commercial that made me laugh out loud
2. It’s bedtime and I look forward to have an inspirational dream
3. I get to go to work tomorrow and be with co-workers I adore